I smelled you,
And I knew you were coming for me,
About to drag me under-
To that place where I can’t breathe
Stumbled out, away from the crowd
So that no one would see…
What you still do to me.
And you drug me back in time
Making me deaf, forcing me blind
Until the world of safety is gone
And I’m once again desire’s pawn
Filled with guilt, and grief, and shame,
And a pain that only knows one name-
Spreading my legs apart.
Eyes gleaming, smile sliding on your face in the dark.
Lowering your head.
With your forehead on my stomach
As I claw the sheets on the bed
And fight back a scream
And you’re killing me.
Biting where no one would think to look.
Rifling through my pages like an open book.
Trace your finger from my neck below
Like you’re slicing me open.
Till there’s nothing left to be broken.
And this waking nightmare
So much more vivid than any dream I’ve had.
Chocking on your poison
Till I gag, convulse, and rip this dream at it’s seams.
Shaking as I pick up this shovel,
To dig furiously as my panic doubles-
Slam the casket shut with a bang
And bury you back where you belong
Six feet under ground in your grave.
And I hold my breath and count.
Just like I always have,
Till the memory of you trickles out of me-
Down through the floor,
Dripping through cracks.
Hold my breath.
I hear you slip back out my door.
And leave me to mend all that you’ve torn.