I used to be extra large;
I could have rolled around the world in two minutes.
Exaggerating apart, I was hungry, all the time.
I ate my skin and nails, scratched the wounds till they bled.
My skin stretched,
No fat of the world could protect
my heart that I wore on my sleeve exposed.
Today, after years of starving
I could die, but I stay, just to hurt
you with my hard bones that will
soon bite through the skin.
I capture you with my
and protruding eyes, my
head carefully balanced
on the stick man legs.
I’m perfect –
and this is
When I was twice my present size,
I was your big, battered celebrity punchbag.
You knew everything but nothing about me.
The pain was real and binding; we were
married to my mistaken identity.
Now I enjoy
that in my role
my core is visible,
just under the surface,
no need to hit and miss,
it’s there in reaching distance.
I offer you ultimate intimacy –
we could make love,
if you dared.
This poem was first published in Red Roots – Orange Sky – Csilla has two more poetry books with Lapwing Publications Belfast. They are available from www.csillatoldy.co.uk