In his own words, by Simon Collings

A major trade, they with that, is a very nice deal. Takes the news end nicely. I actually told her I would listen. When would I say that ‘that is too bad’? To me that would end it. I would have done it very nicely. That is what is going on differently with news. It is too bad she didn’t say that, when a deal takes so long. Probably they never do work out much. I would have done it, actually. She is a person I think I get along with, but listen, it is too bad. What is going on when a deal takes so long, that would probably end very nicely. I told her I would say that. Trade that much major how to. That is, a fake relationship with the United States news. A fake United States news relationship, with a very nice person I get along with. I told her trade probably, a major deal, what is going on. Well, so long. Much differently – that, I think, is how Theresa May would have done it. To do with the ‘me to they’ she is. Too bad it didn’t end, when it actually takes so long. But listen, she would say that I would work out nicely.  I told Theresa May, major relationship news? Well. I actually would have done it. A deal takes the bad out, with a long get, too. That is to do it, never they going on. That I end so, to me is fake. That I would say, when it would probably work nicely, how much differently. She takes so to me. How very it, along with do. That is, they probably would have done, but told it to a news person. I think Theresa May would never say: ‘End a bad trade differently.’ She is actually nice. What a bad work that is going on. I didn’t listen very nicely. When I get it, her United States, that is too much.

Source material (from Sun Exclusive): I would have done it much differently. I actually told Theresa May how to do it, but she didn’t listen to me. It is too bad what is going on. When a deal takes so long, they never work out very well. That is fake news. I would say that that would probably end a major trade relationship with the United States. I think she is a nice person. I get along with her very nicely.

Trump will lie about this, by Simon Collings

So much wrong so little cardboard
That hair is a horcrux
Orange Shitler
He’s a fracking nightmare
Slow down Donald
you seem to be Russian
Shite hoose
Dear queen don’t offer him
the good biscuits
Feed him to the corgis
Tangerine wankmaggot
Electile dysfunction
Big orange twat
I’d call him a cunt
but he lacks depth and warmth
Impeach him by the pussy
All in all you’re just another prick
with no wall
Can’t build wall
hands too small
If your poor immigrant mother
could see you now
You’re a freak you’re a weirdo
You suck at golf
There will be hell toupée
May yer arse break out in boils
ya scunner
Unlike marmite we all hate you
Oh for God’s sake just die

Source: protestor’s placards, Trump UK visit July 2018

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Into this, by Simon Collings

Into this indifference the temper
of cynicism, of anomy

distempers of rage
pressed into speechlessness

the mute gestures of inaction reflected
in the masked faces of denial

time running away
with our captive impotence

contained anger turned
inwards, the body consuming

its impulse
to give chase

a stink of tainted process
in which inequity is smothered

the dull drag of compromise
a manoeuvre

to stifle protest
in glacial intransigence, a filth

of melting sentiment insulting
in its penury

this charade of care, of inclusiveness
which does not include,

the makeshift gestures
of contempt, reason dismissed

in deceitful excess, obdurate
in superfluity, the machinery

frustrates all tactics
of escape, closes off

the possibility of argument
of explication, a mire of detail

to sink a point in
the predetermined outcome

is etched with a stylus
on the smeared glass

a callous message without meaning
marking the boundaries of resistance

inscribing its purpose
across the sightline of our attention

with the tenuous logic of the prosaic
the crushing victory of procedure

a tortured labour
of casual insincerity

the indurate apparatus of compulsion
and permitted  violence


Simon Collings has published poetry in various magazines and journals, has published two chapbooks, and reviews regularly for Stride.