Yes Ministers by Colin Dardis

The newly appointed Minister for Loneliness will be given an office with no windows at the end of a long corridor.

The Minister for Apathy will not bother going to work tomorrow.

The Minister for Feeling Peckish has left crumbs on the head of her esteemed colleague while snacking in the back benches.

The Minister for Curiosity has said he is looking into this.

The Minister for Itchiness has scratched her previously announced policy considering it “too rash”.

The Minister for Binge Watching has said to stay tuned for further updates.

The Minister for Prostration will be announced tomorrow.

The Minister of Anticipation is looking forward to the announcement of the Minister for Procrastination.

The Minister for Shyness has cancelled all future public appearances.

The Minister for Uneasiness has a bad feeling about all these new ministers.

The Minister for Embarrassment has had their social media accounts hacked.

The Minister for Schadenfreude enjoys this.

The Minister for Austerity has been axed due to cutbacks.

The Minister for Plain English will hereby be known as The Minister for Exactitude, Economy and Elucidation in the Application of the Written and Spoken Word.

The Minister for Epiphanies has suddenly realised the ineffectiveness of this Government.

The Minister of Ministers has announced an end to the appointing of new ministers.

 

Colin Dardis is one of Eyewear Publishing’s Best New British and Irish Poets 2016, and recently an ACES ’15-16 recipient from Arts Council of Northern Ireland. His work has been published widely throughout Ireland, the UK and USA. A collection with Eyewear, the x of y, is forthcoming in 2018. Colin also co-runs Poetry NI and is the online editor for Lagan Press. www.colindardispoet.co.uk

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